Consequences
by Graveygraves
Summary: Emily has returned, but will the team accept her back? Sequel to my story Reflections - sorry for the wait - relates to Series 7 but not totally cannon. Unbeta'd let me know what you think.
1. Returning

**Consequences**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas.**

**This is a follow on from my story 'Reflections'. Sorry it has taken so long but my muse escaped me on this one. Obviously I am not sticking to close to series 7 or I would just be retelling someone else's story.**

. . .

When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.

**Author Unknown**

**. . .**

Sat at the breakfast bar Emily watched the young boy who was staring at her. Henry LaMontagne just sat and watched Emily watching him. She had to smile, the young child was definitely his mother's son, he may be barely ending toddlerhood but already he was very astute in his surroundings.

JJ came rushing in to join the two in the kitchen, Will a step or two behind. Grabbing a half empty coffee cup as she passed the smooth surface JJ ruffled her son's hair.

"You okay Kiddo?"

Henry nodded, not taking his eyes of Emily.

"Good, because Mom is off to work and Daddy is taking you to kindergarten, so I guess I'll see you later, Little Man."

JJ leant in for a kiss. Henry kissed his Mom lightly, his eyes still fixed on Emily as he angled himself to see her around his mother.

JJ hovered by Emily.

"You going to be okay here on your own today?" she asked, concern evident in her face, "I'm sure Hotch will soon agree to a way we can introduce you to the team without causing heart failure."

Emily nodded silently, watching Henry the whole time, smiling in a hope to reassure the young boy who hadn't spoken to her since she arrived at the house with his mother less then twenty-four hours ago.

"Good," JJ paused looking at Will, more than aware of the thick tension hanging in the air since she had returned.

"Come on Henry, let's go at the same time as Mom," Will helped the lad down from the counter seat and nodded a goodbye to Emily.

Left alone Emily sighed out. She had known that returning would never be easy, but so far it had been worse then she had imagined. Within hours of being at JJ's she had seen Henry disintegrate into a bundle of tears and JJ and Will suffer their first argument about her.

Emily knew it was the first as she had heard the second last night after she had gone to bed, and the third this morning before she got up. Well at least she assumed they had stopped to sleep in between the second and third arguments – though it was possible, from the look on JJ's face this morning, that they had continued through the night.

At least Henry had stopped crying by the time he woke, Emily tried to think positively.

She could understand Will's point of view. _How did you explain to a toddler that someone who was dead, isn't? _It was at that point in the previous evening's debate that Emily had realised the extent of the lies JJ had had to tell to cover for her.

Obviously Emily felt bad about her lying to the team, but she had never thought about the lies to her family, to Will and Henry. Or that Hotch would have had to lie to Jack. God this was a mess – her mess.

Sighing she got up, stacking the items off the counter into the dishwasher; well at least she could try and be useful.

. . .

JJ hated having to wait; she kept glancing up at Hotch's office from her new seat in the bull pen. Strauss had been in with Hotch from before she had arrived at work, and over an hour later she was still in there. Subconsciously she tapped the pen in her hand against the pile of files on her desk.

Spencer Reid looked around the divide at his returned colleague, concern evident on his features.

"You okay?" he asked gently, reaching for his recently filled cup of coffee.

"Uh?" JJ spun suddenly to face him, previously unaware of his presence.

"Are . . . you . . . okay?" he repeated slowly, moving round to perch on the edge of her desk. Spence loved JJ being back in the team, she had been a huge support to him over the last few months and her being around brought some normality back to his ever spinning world.

"I fine, really, I'm fine," JJ said, without looking at him.

"Really? You are presenting as if you are nervous about something. The constant tapping, avoiding looking at me when you speak to me, the unusually high pitch of your voice; should I continue?"

"No," JJ snapped, crossing her arms to stop the tapping, she now realised she was doing, "I thought there was a ban on inter-team profiling?"

"There is," an innocent look appearing on his face, as he shrugged, "Guess it my way of telling you I'm worried, that's all."

"Well don't be," JJ forced a reassuring smile, as she reached out to squeeze his hand, "Honestly I'm fine."

"Okay," Spence added, returning to his seat.

JJ opened the top file, and tried to focus on the words in front of her. _If only she could speak to Hotch then everything would be fine._

. . .

Seizing the first opportunity of the day, JJ slipped into Hotch's office, hovering by the door, waiting for him to acknowledge her existence.

"How can I help?" Hotch asked, looking up from the manila file.

JJ made sure the dark door clicked behind her, before she approached the seat opposite her superior. Taking a huge breath, she looked Hotch directly in the eye.

"Emily is at my house," she waited for a reply.

"Sorry?" he questioned his forehead furrowing.

"The call I received last week, as I explained it was related to a case when I was in the Pentagon. It was Em's case. As you know I had to go away for a few days, it was to talk Emily into coming home. Doyle is dead."

"Why was I not informed?" Hotch snapped.

"Because you were never meant to know she was alive," JJ closed her eyes, "Aaron I couldn't have done this without your help, but I was not supposed to let anyone in on the secret with me. I just couldn't lie to you."

Opening her eyes, she looked directly at him; "I need your help to explain this to the team."

Hotch's back straightened, as his usual mask crept across his face. Behind it he camouflaged the fact that he had honestly believed they would never see Emily again. In fact he had begun to convince himself she was dead. It would be easier if she was, but she wasn't and now it was safe for her to return.

"Do you have a plan of action?" he asked flatly.

JJ squirmed a little, her usual confidence crumbling under the scrutiny of her older colleague.

"I think it would be best to talk to them all together, and as soon as possible," she waited while Hotch nodded his acceptance, "Then we offer them the chance to come and see her, I don't think we should force Emily upon them, and she definitely isn't ready to face them all in one go. She is going to stay with me for a while; it's a neutral meeting place, for those who are ready to accept her back."

Hotch breathed deeply, trying to consider the option JJ had presented. Nodding silently, he stood.

"Let's get the team together."

. . .

**~*~ Profiler's Choice 2011 Fanfic Awards for the Criminal Minds Community ~*~**

**Hosted by ilovetvalot and tonnie2001969**

_It is our pleasure to announce the Second Annual Profiler's Choice Fanfic Awards for the Criminal Minds community! _

_The nomination ballot is now available, and all rules are posted on Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum! Nomination ballots must be received by October 15, 2011 and must be sent to this PM at Profiler's Choice CM Awards. Fics for consideration must have appeared on the CM section of between September 1, 2010 and August 31, 2011 (see rules for full details.)_


	2. Breaking the News

**Consequences**

**Disclaimer – I own nothing but the ideas.**

**Sequel to 'Reflections – Emily's return, but not as we know it.**

**. . .**

Looking around her colleagues, gathered around the table JJ was more uncomfortable then she had ever been in her life. She knew she was about to confess to all who mattered to her that she had lied to them, repeatedly. Swallowing drily she took a stand next to Hotch, who's stoic look hid the sins they had shared.

"So what's this about, man?" Morgan questioned, slouching comfortably in a chair next to Garcia.

Garcia was bolt upright and wide eyed; the panic evident in everything about her.

"They're doing it again aren't they?" she muttered, "I knew I should have made it a more permanent thing."

Hotch shot her a look.

Garcia smiled nervously; the smile that let him know that he really didn't want to know what she was referring to.

Hotch sighed deeply, trying hard to find the words to explain to the team the deception he had been party to.

Sensing his unusual trepidation, JJ stepped forward, placing her palms steadily on the table, for support. She looked once more around her colleagues, her friends, her family. Opening her mouth and shutting it again, her eyes dropped to the shiny surface of the polished desk they were so use to gathering at, the family table.

"There is no easy way to tell you what I have to say. I can only ask one thing of you, that you allow me to finish before you ask the questions I know you will have. Whatever you think and feel while I am talking, please hear me out."

Slowly she raised her eyes, meeting each person in turn, noting the slight nod each gave.

"As you are aware I was seconded back to the Pentagon last week to finalise the details on a previous case of mine."

"They can't have you back, they can't," Penelope interrupted, fear written in capitals across her face.

"Please Pen," JJ pleaded, "Please listen, no one is leaving. . . The case was Emily's. Doyle has been confirmed dead. He was found living in South Africa, working as a missionary for a cartel trafficking arms. An agent was sent into assassinate him, she was successful and is safe."

JJ paused biting her lip, as the information registered with those who watched her. She could see the mixture of relief, anger, hatred and confusion wash over them. Glancing over her shoulder at her superior, JJ took some comfort from his reassuring nod. Though his arms folded firmly across his chest made it clear her was ready to be defensive when the onslaught came.

"I was called back to recall Emily from hiding."

JJ couldn't look at anyone, head down she ploughed on, not allowing anyone the chance to question the information she was delivering.

"Emily is alive. She did not die from the injuries she received from Doyle. She was very ill and at times there was concern as to whether she would survive, due to complications. While the surgeons were operating, a decision was made to force Emily to hide for hers and our safety. A whole FBI team could not be open to attack by such a high profile terrorist."

Gazing up, she knew she was losing the team with the details, but resisting the urge to stop, JJ continued, wanting to protect herself from their disappointment.

"Doyle was a family annihilator, if he had believed Emily was alive and under our protection, then he would have come after us to get her. It was best that he believed she was dead. The decision was made for us. But now she can come back. I have brought her back. Emily is here, staying with me."

The silence hung as testament of the tense atmosphere in the small room. JJ waited.

Hotch moved forward, standing solidly beside her, physically showing his team that he supported her. He took in the looks on the faces of each of his colleague. Morgan looked like a thunder storm, ready to burst, Garcia's mouth was opening and closing so wildly she mimicked a goldfish, Reid had his head down, but his fingers were twitching uncontrollably. The only person that met his steady glare was Rossi, a slightly smug grin on his face.

"If anyone . . ." Hotch begun, but never finished as Derek Morgan erupted.

"You lied," he spat the molten words at the two people at the front of the room.

JJ quivered as she tried to look at the dark agent now towering over her.

"You lied," his words melting her defence, the realisation of what she had done sunk in.

"I followed orders," she said lamely.

"You lied . . . to us!" the scorching lava of a temper threatening to pour from him.

Hotch took a defensive step in front of Morgan.

"JJ had specific orders; she had no choice in her actions."

Morgan huffed, "I don't need to stay here and listen to this bullshit."

He turned to stalk out.

"Derek please," he paused at JJ's desperately whispered words.

Spinning back to face her, as he planted himself by the door, Derek's glare was deadly.

"You let me believe I was the last person to hold her, the last person she saw. You let me believe she was dead," his voice breaking slightly, as his emotions over-run every part of him, "Why did you lie to us? Why couldn't we know she was alive?"

"Because Doyle would have . . ." JJ begun.

"Bull, that is just an excuse. He had to think she was dead, but we didn't. We could have known."

Not waiting to hear anymore, Morgan left the room, and shortly after the building.

JJ looked back at the reaming team. Rossi smiled reassuringly, he had had his suspicions. Dave was willing to accept what had happened and move on. He also knew that JJ and Hotch would need all the support they could get if the team were to survive this.

"Can we see her?" Penelope's quiet voice broke the silence.

JJ nodded, moving to sit by her friend.

"I can arrange that, Em would love to see you. She is really worried about seeing everyone again."

"So she should be."

Everyone turned to face Reid, surprised at the venom in his tone.

"Spence?" JJ questioned in shock at his anger.

"What JJ? Am I supposed to go running to her and thank her for her sacrifice? How about a big hug and pretending nothing happened?" Spencer was now standing, his fists clenching and flexing by his side.

JJ was concerned, she had never seen him like this, and reaching a hand across the table she was horrified as her recoiled from her touch.

"Don't JJ, don't," he folded his arms defensively.

Rossi stood beside the young agent.

"Come on Reid," Rossi spoke smoothly, "this has surprised us all, we need time to adjust. Let's not lose our tempers and say things we might regret later."

"What like saying someone is dead when they aren't? Do you regret that now JJ?"

"I regret _having_ to lie, but not protecting my friend, I am sorry if I offended you in the process."

"Really," he said drily, "You know what? You're right Rossi I need time to adjust. Time to adjust to the fact that the people I trust most in this world have lied to me for all this time."

Spencer left rapidly, without looking back.

JJ stood to follow him, broken by his words.

Hotch put an arm on her shoulder, "Leave him."

"But . . ."

"Give him time, he's angry, but he'll come round, they both will."

JJ wished she had the same blind faith her superior did, but honestly she knew he was probably as worried as she was and was just saying it to make her feel better.

. . .

**~*~ Profiler's Choice 2011 Fanfic Awards for the Criminal Minds Community ~*~**

**Hosted by ilovetvalot and tonnie2001969**

_It is our pleasure to announce the Second Annual Profiler's Choice Fanfic Awards for the Criminal Minds community! _

_The nomination ballot is now available, and all rules are posted on Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum! Nomination ballots must be received by October 15, 2011 and must be sent to this PM at Profiler's Choice CM Awards. Fics for consideration must have appeared on the CM section of between September 1, 2010 and August 31, 2011 (see rules for full details.)_


	3. Spliting the Team

**Consequences**

**Disclaimer – I own nothing but the ideas.**

**Sequel to my previous story: 'Reflections' – Emily has returned. This is a different storyline to the return we have seen in Series 7, but I have tried to stay cannon to the reactions and emotions of the team to the news. After that I will be following my own little line of fiction sparked by something in the show. I am sorry if you feel you have been lead to believe this story is something it isn't.**

**. . .**

JJ smiled reassuring at Emily as she poured them both a large glass of red wine.

"It will be fine; they are really looking forward to seeing you again."

"Some are," Emily replied sullenly.

"Em," JJ took her friend's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze; "Morgan and Reid will come round eventually, they just need a little time and space to clear their heads."

JJ knew she was repeating the sentiment they had been told to her days prior. She wanted to believe what she had been told and what she was telling Emily, but the looks she had received from Morgan and Reid the day before at work, let her know that it would be a long time before she was forgiven, if ever.

Emily picked up on JJ's doubt. The last few days, since her return, Emily had begun to realise what had been asked of JJ. She had been forced to lie to everyone who mattered most to her, and now she was facing the consequences of those actions.

The sound of the doorbell broke the tense silence that had grown between them.

JJ went through to answer the door, opening it to find Hotch standing there.

"Hi JJ, how's she doing?" Hotch asked as he stepped into the house.

JJ shrugged, unsure of the words to express Emily's despair.

Hotch followed JJ into the lounge, where Emily waited. He smiled as he saw her, sat nervously on the couch.

"You look good," he said, accepting an awkward hug as she stood to greet him.

"I'm much better," Emily answered, "How are you? Jack?"

"We're good," Hotch added matter of factly.

Both stared, not sure what they were supposed to say next.

"Drink?" JJ asked, wringing her hands.

"A juice would be good," Hotch replied, though something stronger would have been preferable.

While JJ was in the kitchen the door went again. Hotch went through to answer. Emily could hear the whispers in the hall, but not what was said. She had never felt so uncomfortable and for the umpteenth time regretted the decision to return. She should have left them to grieve and move on.

JJ walked back into the lounge as the squeal came from the other doorway. Penelope Garcia bustled here way through to grab Emily into the biggest hug possible.

Pulling back to arms length, Pen looked her friend up and down.

"Girl you are way too skinny, but that I can fix; cupcakes daily, Dr Garcia's orders."

Emily had to smile, any doubt of acceptance shifting rapidly from her mind.

"I have missed you so much," Emily prayed her voice would hold against the swell of emotion, "I got your message, the one you left on my phone, I heard it all, and I'm so sorry."

"Honey, you're alive, thanks good enough for me," Pen squeezed her back into a cuddle.

Emily looked past Penelope's shoulder at David Rossi, who stood smiling behind. He winked, willing to wait his turn.

JJ hovered next to Hotch after she handed him the tall glass of juice.

"That was easy," she whispered.

Hotch nodded as he watched the scene unveil among the three friends. The banter was flying easily between the women as David tried hard to get a word in edgeways.

"Will decided to talk Henry away for the weekend; he said it was so we didn't disturb Henry."

"But," Hotch added, turning to JJ.

"But I'm afraid it's more than that. Having Emily here has really upset Henry. He can't comprehend what has gone on and Will blames me for that."

"Had you told Will that Emily was alive?"

JJ shook her head, the lump in her throat restricting her voice.

"How has Will taken the news?"

"Badly, we've argued worse than ever before," JJ sighed, looking at the happy sight in front of her.

"Maybe he just needs time," Hotch tried to reassure.

"Like Derek and Spence, hey," she said snidely, "At least they have to talk to you, me they can totally ignore."

"JJ we knew this would not be easy . . ." Hotch begun.

"But I never thought it would be this hard," she finished.

. . .

Derek sat outside in the cold, the interior of the vehicle having cooled rapidly since the engine was cut. He watched the house, his stared focused on the lit room at the front. He assumed that was where they all were. He had seen each one enter. Hotch first, and then Garcia and Rossi had arrived together. So far there was no sign of Reid.

He wondered how the kid was taking the news. Derek knew that Spencer would not take to being lied to any more than he did, but he had believed Reid would be won over a lot quicker. Evidently not.

Derek was torn. His heart wanted him to leave the car and see the woman he believed had died. To see for his own eyes that she was alive again. He wanted to hold her warm body, feel her strong pulse, experience everything that was the polar opposite to the last time he had seen her.

Closing his eyes he pictured her frail battered body. The tremble of her hands as he had begged her on hold on. He had forgiven her for her actions; he had begun to understand the motivation for what she did. He didn't blame her for this.

He blamed the authorities that thought they could create a web of lies around his team. Surely they realised the deceit would tear the team apart, is that what they wanted, it would make budget cuts a lot easier.

Sighing deeply, he wanted to steady his emotions. He know he had not reacted professionally when JJ had told the team of Emily's survival, but that sort of shock short circuits all rational thought. He was aware that he owed JJ an apology, but wasn't ready for that either.

The theory of what had happened was clear, but he still could not process why they could not be trusted to Emily was alive. They were hardly going to tell anyone. JJ claimed it was to protect them, but he didn't buy that, it had hurt them, and continued to do so.

Starting the engine, Derek let his head rule the day. If he was to speak to Emily, it would be alone. Away from the all seeing eye of the others. He made his mind up, tonight was not the night for this. However he wasn't heading home either.

Turning the SUV round, Derek headed towards Reid's. God knew what was going through that kid's mind right now. Derek intended finding out.

. . .

**I just want to apologise now as I am off on holiday this weekend – so not sure when the next update will be. Will try to get straight back onto this when I return. Thank you for the support.**


	4. Temptation

**Consequences**

**Disclaimer – I own nothing but the ideas.**

**Sequel to my previous story: 'Reflections' – Emily has returned. This is a different storyline to the return we have seen in Series 7, but I have tried to stay cannon to the reactions and emotions of the team to the news. After that I will be following my own little line of fiction sparked by something in the show. I am sorry if you feel you have been lead to believe this story is something it isn't. Also I realise this is billed as an Emily/JJ story and at its heart it is; just other things have to happen too.**

**I am putting a note on all of my stories to try and let people know that my updates may become a little erratic due to increased responsibilities at work from now until Christmas. I am sorry to do this. If I had known I would not have started posting stories until they were finished. Please bear with me.**

. . .

Reid sat in the dark corner booth of the bar. The ripped leather seat testimony to the state of the place he had picked. Snorting to himself, he squeezed a sinister smile; it wasn't as if he had come here for the decor and the startling atmosphere.

No, he had come here for one reason and only one reason.

"Dr Reid," a smooth voice boomed as a skinny male approached the booth, "Long time, no see."

Spencer said nothing as the slightly older man inserted himself in the seat opposite, placing his drink on the table.

"Something tells me you are not here for the pleasure of the mortal company the hovel homes, are you missing an old friend by any chance?" the reptilian individual licked his lips as he spoke.

Spencer glared up at him_,__how__ could __a __stranger __know __him __so__ well?_ Spencer hated the fact that the man knew what he wanted, he knew why he was here.

"Come on man, really, you know I have what you want you only have to ask . . . nicely!"

Another snort, as Spencer struggled with the fact that he was belittling himself in such a manner.

The man ran his long thin fingers threw his long greasy hair, leaning across the table towards Spencer. Even in the dim light of the bar Spencer could see the twinkle in his eye as he spoke.

"You can sit here all night pretending you are enjoying a quiet drink, or you can face the God's honest truth that right now you need it more than ever before. So what's it going to be Dr Reid?"

Spencer's head dropped as he pondered the question that he had internally debated for months. He had walked passed this bar night after night, managing to keep on going right passed the door, until tonight. Today had finished him, the constant pain he endured muffling his mind. He needed clarity; he needed the pain to stop so that he could think. Looking back up directly at the man who faced him, he nodded.

"Good, I'm glad we understand each other," a slimy smile crossed his face, "You know what, I'm feeling generous tonight, and you look pretty desperate. How about a re-introductory offer – two for one? Just for you."

Spencer watched as he reached into his pocket then placed his clenched fist on the table. Slowly his released his grip, revealing two clear vials. Spencer's breath hitched, this was the pivotal point. Unconsciously his fingers felt for the token in his pocket, his sobriety coin. _Was__he__honestly__going__to__throw__all__of__that__away?_

. . .

Sat at home on his old battered couch, Spencer settled back, relishing the feeling of being pain free for the first time in a long time. Finally he could think freely, the aching cloud had cleared.

The loud knock at his door interrupted his thought pattern. Rising slowly he made his way towards his apartment door. Peeking through the peep hole, Derek's large form filled the small hole. Spencer sighed.

"I know you're there man, so open up as I'm not going anywhere," Morgan growled.

Opening the door enough, Spencer looked up at the older agent.

"Morgan, I was about to go to bed, can this not wait until the morning?"

"No," Derek answered, his eyes narrowing as he took in the person in front of him.

"What is it?" Spencer asked.

"Can I come in?" Derek requested.

Spencer shrugged then opened the door further, sighing as Derek passed him and head towards the lounge. He followed obediently, plonking himself opposite his dark friend.

"How you doing kid?" Derek asked his eyes narrowing as he tried to figure out what was bugging him.

Spencer shrugged again, "Fine, you?" he answered.

Derek shrugged in turn, looking down at the carpeted floor. He hadn't come here to off load onto Reid, he had come here to help. Yet Spencer seemed to have an air of calm about him, something Derek hadn't expected.

"I don't know," Derek replied honestly, hoping that allowing Spencer to see his vulnerability would in turn give Spencer the confidence to open up to him.

Confusion crossed Spencer's face as he looked at Derek, but said nothing.

Derek took a deep breath and decided to continue.

"Part of me wants to deny it has ever happened, carry on as if she is dead. I don't have to face her; I don't have to speak to her. She is gone and that is the end of it. Then I worry that she may want to return to the BAU, then none of that works."

Spencer sat, unable to find the words to help.

"That makes me angry. Angry that she can just walk back in to all she has destroyed as if nothing had happened. Add that to the anger I have towards Hotch and JJ," Derek spat out their names, "and I become totally consumed. How could they lie to us, day in and day out, month after month?"

Spencer still had no answers.

"Then the real questions start. Why did I not see the truth? I'm a profiler. Why didn't I push to see her when they said she was dead? I should have known when JJ wouldn't let you see her that something was wrong, if she was truly dead we should have been able to say goodbye."

That comment stung Spence.

"At that point I realise what we have really lost. We haven't lost a friend. We have lost our family. We have lost our trust. If we can't trust each other then who can we trust?"

Spencer listened in silence, Derek's questions reflecting his own thoughts.

"Then I realise there is only one way out of this, to accept it and move on. I don't know if I'm ready for that yet."

"I'm not," Spencer whispered, "I'm not ready to hear what they have to say."

Derek watched the younger agent stiffen on his seat.

"You know I'm here kid, whatever time of day or night, I'm here. We've got each other through this."

Spencer nodded, then rose to his feet; "but not tonight and not now."

Derek was taken aback by the sudden change of Spencer's mood, the calm contemplation replaced with the abruptness.

"I'm worried about you, Reid," Derek confessed.

"I'll be alright," he answered, unable to met Derek's deep eyes, "I'm good at alright."

Derek stood, firmly, beside his colleague, placing a large hand on Reid's slender shoulder, squeezing lightly. Derek knew he was no longer welcome, if he ever had been.

. . .

Waking suddenly the crippling pain soared through him. Grabbing his head on either side, Spencer resisted the urge to scream. Standing unsteadily, he staggered towards the bathroom.

Inside the cool room, he pulled open the cabinet door, snatching a bottle of pills he swallowed greedily, washing the uncounted amount down with a glass of cold water. Steadying himself on the basin, he looked up at the open cabinet.

On the smooth glass shelf stood the lone vial, the partner to the one he had consumed earlier. Shakily his hand reached out, taking it into his grasp. As he watched his own actions, his mind and body seemed to be working in isolation.

Silently screaming don't do it, as his body continued to go through the process of shooting up; his slim fingers tapping the syringe prior to inserting it. He knew he shouldn't, but he needed release, he needed oblivion.

. . .

_**Author's Note: BIG ANNOUNCEMENT - THE FINAL VOTING BALLOT IS AVAILABLE FOR THE SECOND ANNUAL PROFILER'S CHOICE CM AWARDS on "CHIT CHAT ON AUTHOR'S CORNER" FORUM. Please take this opportunity to recognize some wonderful author's and their stunning pieces of fic. Voting ends 11/30/2011. Two Amazon gift cards will be given to two RANDOM voters that take the time to vote in ten or more categories. Congratulations to all of this year's nominees. Now, let's all read some CM fic!**_


	5. Overdose

**Consequences**

**Disclaimer – I own nothing but the ideas.**

**I realise this is billed as an Emily/JJ story and at its heart it is; just other things have to happen too. This is a bit Reid centric at the moment but it will come round to the girls soon.**

**I am putting a note on all of my stories to try and let people know that my updates may become a little erratic due to increased responsibilities at work from now until Christmas. I am sorry to do this. If I had known I would not have started posting stories until they were finished. Please bear with me.**

. . .

Within fifteen minutes Spencer was starting to feel the effect, the sharp pain in his head was rapidly decreasing. It was then as he looked down at the needle still in his arm, the full immensity of what he had just done hit him. Glancing at the half empty bottle of pills in the basin, Spencer begun to panic; anxiety over taking his body as he pulled the needle, dropping it as if it scorched him.

_How __could__ he__ be __so__ stupid?_ Spencer thought as he tried hard to concentrate on what he needed to do. He knew the effects of what he had done and his breathing was already becoming laboured. This wasn't want he intended; he wanted relief from the pain. He had no intention of killing himself.

Holding on to every available surface, Spencer made his way out of the bathroom. It was becoming increasingly difficult to co-ordinate his actions as his breath seemed to physically slow with each step. Flopping onto his bed he reached out to the phone on his bedside table, he mind fogging as he tried hard to concentrate.

Spence could hear every beat of his heart in his head as he struggled to breathe. Willing his eyes to focus he found the number he needed. Letting the phone ring, he whispered the word Morgan, unaware whether Derek had answered the phone or not, as his breaths slowed, his lost hold of the phone and it fell from his hand to the floor.

. . .

Derek cursed loudly as his phone rung, startling Clooney and causing the mutt to scarper from his safe haven at the foot of Derek's bed.

It felt like he had only just made it into bed, as he glanced at the clock while he fumbled for his phone, Derek realised it was closer to morning then he had realised.

"Morgan," he answered without registering the caller.

No answer.

He pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at the caller ID.

"Reid, what's up man? Speak to me."

No answer.

Derek felt the blood start to rush around his body; suddenly he was fully awake and bounding out of bed.

"Whatever's happened kid hold on, I'm on my way," he called into to the phone as he grabbed a t-shirt to throw over the joggers he had on. Ramming his bare feet into a pair of snickers, Derek grabbed his keys and a hoodie, all the time talking into the phone. He had no idea what was wrong, though his mind was running plenty of situations, he also had no idea if Spencer could hear him, but regardless he reassured.

. . .

As Derek reached Reid's front door, he hit it hard, if he was wrong he would repair it himself. Entering the apartment, he called out for Reid.

No answer.

Searching the lounge Derek moved frantically onto the Kitchen, then the study, finally he found the bedroom. Taking in the sight of the young man, collapsed on the bed in front of him, Derek dialled for the emergency services. Glancing around the room as he made his way towards the bed, Derek looked for signs to help him make sense of the situation.

Placing a hand on his friend's forehead, Derek was instantly aware of how clammy the skin was. His breathing was shallow and slow. Automatically checking his pulse, Derek was alarmed by how slow it was.

Suddenly aware of the female voice in his phone, he forced himself to focus.

"Ma'am this is Derek Morgan of the FBI, I have a colleague in need of emergency medical support."

Patiently he answered her questions as he searched the room for some clue as to what had caused Spencer's current state. Making his way through the open bathroom door, Derek suddenly realised what had happened.

Collecting the prescribed drug bottle and the empty vial, Derek returned to Spencer's side. He felt useless as he monitored his friends decline. All the time rerunning their exchange late the night before, Derek had known something was wrong, but he had assumed that Spencer was struggling to process things, just he was himself. He had no idea that Spencer was this desperate.

"Reid," he hissed, hoping the young man could hear him, "I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. You hold on hear me, hold on. I need you Reid, we're in this together, remember, you and me."

As Derek waited for the emergency services he picked up his phone once more, making the one call he didn't want to make, but knew he had to.

"Hotch, it's Morgan," he said, "There is no easy way to say this. I'm with Reid, I think he's overdosed. I have a half empty bottle of codeine and a vial I suspect held Dilaudid."

Derek held his breath as he let his superior process the information. Hearing a sound at the door Derek stood to lead the emergency team through.

"Hotch the EMT's here now; I'll call you when I have some news."

Placing his phone back in his hoodie pocket, he approached one of the team, handling over the evidence of drug misuse and filling them in on all the background information he could; the whole time his eyes never left Spencer's face.

Insisting on accompanying Reid to hospital Morgan followed the stretcher.

"If you survive this kid, I swear you and I are having a serious little chat, no getting out of it," he mumbled as he climbed in.

. . .

_**Author's Note: BIG ANNOUNCEMENT - THE FINAL VOTING BALLOT IS AVAILABLE FOR THE SECOND ANNUAL PROFILER'S CHOICE CM AWARDS on "CHIT CHAT ON AUTHOR'S CORNER" FORUM. Please take this opportunity to recognize some wonderful author's and their stunning pieces of fic. Voting ends 11/30/2011. Two Amazon gift cards will be given to two RANDOM voters that take the time to vote in ten or more categories. Congratulations to all of this year's nominees. Now, let's all read some CM fic!**_


	6. Honesty

**Consequences**

**Disclaimer – I own nothing but the ideas.**

**I am putting a note on all of my stories to try and let people know that my updates may become a little erratic due to increased responsibilities at work from now until Christmas. I am sorry to do this. If I had known I would not have started posting stories until they were finished. Please bear with me.**

. . .

Slowly Emily came to stand beside JJ who was looking through the window into the hospital room. Sighing deeply as she did so. JJ barely moved, yet still managed to acknowledge her approach. Together they watched as Morgan sat beside their friend, because he was still their friend. He may not consider them friends, but they still thought of him as such. Neither would give up on him that easily.

"The doctors are hopeful that no permanent damage has been done," JJ whispered at the glass, her eyes not moving from Spencer's pale form, "they pumped his stomach straight away, now they are desperately trying to rehydrate him and stabilise his stats."

Emily noted how flatly JJ spoke; it was obvious she was reeling off the phrases she had heard while the team waited together. She doubted the younger woman had processed the information.

"Can we go in?" Emily asked quietly.

"If you think you can get passed the guard dog," JJ bit, finally allowing her emotions to break the surface of her normally calm composure as referred to Morgan's defensive stance.

Emily wasn't sure she was ready to face Morgan, but see also needed him to know that she was here and that she wasn't giving up on her old friendships easily.

"I'm willing to give it a go," Emily finally said, squaring her shoulders slightly at the prospect, "you coming?"

JJ hesitated, as she turned her head to watch the raven haired woman approach the grey door. Reluctantly she followed, they were in this together.

Emily tentatively opened the door and stepped in to the room, aware of JJ close behind her.

Hearing the movement of the door was enough to steal Derek's attention from his bedside vigil. His eyes narrowed as he took in the latest visitors.

"Derek, I know what you are thinking, but this isn't the time or the place," Emily stated, her hands automatically taking a defensive pose in front of her.

"You," he spat, "think you know what I'm thinking. You don't, either of you. However I will agree with you on one thing, this is not the time or the place for what I have to say to you."

Emily openly accepted the camouflaged truce and stepped towards the bed. She was acutely aware of his eyes boring into her as she made her way towards Spencer. JJ had stayed by the door.

Standing opposite Morgan Emily took Spencer's cold hand in hers and squeezed. Glancing up at Derek, her eyes briefly met his before she turned her attention towards Spencer. Taking a deep breath she knew what she had to say, hoping to reach two friends at the same time.

"Spencer, I know you can hear me. I know that whatever is said to you now will stay with you and haunt your dreams until you awaken. I know because I have been to the same brink that you are now on," the slight quiver in her voice, was revealing enough without the tear that streak her cheek, "Right now Spencer I can have my say without you walking away or arguing back. Totally uninterrupted I can tell you my side of the story and you have no choice but to listen to every word. Well that is unless you wish to wake up anytime during my monologue."

Emily paused, she knew he wasn't going to miraculously open his eyes and answer her, but it gave her a moment to compose herself.

"Right or wrong, I did what I believed to be the best at the time. I have made mistakes, I'm not perfect, and I wanted to rectify that without endangering any of you. Maybe I was wrong to think I could deal with this alone, but I had to try. You can list off as many objectionable descriptors for me as you like, you can probably think of many more than most, and they will probably be all true. Yes I am stubborn; I am fiercely independent, secretive, untrusting, and callous. I admit to it all, but you knew all of that before Doyle appeared. He didn't change me or show you anything you didn't already know. He just put it in a different context."

Emily was struggling, but she had to continue; only God knew if she would ever get another chance.

"I understand you are angry, I know my actions have hurt you. Please if you only believe one thing of me ever again, and then believe that was never my intention. Shut out me, ignore me, hate me; I deserve it all, returning has made me realise the true extent of the consequences of my behaviour. Losing the friends, family, I left to protect is more painful than any of the injuries Doyle inflicted on me."

She could hold the tears no longer; dipping her head Emily noticed the damp mark left by the first tear to hit the sheet.

JJ moved towards Emily, making her presence felt behind her friend once more. Reaching out she took Emily's limp hand that hung by her side. JJ couldn't put into words how proud she was of Emily. It had been blatantly obvious how difficult it had been for Emily to bare her soul like that.

Emily took strength from JJ's show of support, the contrasting warmth of the gesture to the cool clamminess of Spencer's hand. She knew what it felt like to be dead, both physically and mentally, the overwhelming numbness that consumed you. It broke her heart to know that Spencer was experiencing that too, and that she had been the cause of it.

Involuntarily she jolted and a second wave of warmth eclipsed her other hand, looking at the source she was surprised to find Derek's large hand encompassing hers.

Gradually her eyes lifted to meet the dark orbs opposite her.

"You mean what you just said?" Derek asked.

Emily nodded solemnly.

"What I said to you Emily I meant," Derek' voice cracking as he spoke, remembering the words he had spoken when he first found her, nearly eight months prior.

"Sorry seems so pathetic, but it's the only way I know to start."

Derek squeezed her hand, he hadn't ever wanted to be angry with her, and if he was willing to be honest with himself he was only aiming his anger in her direction as he couldn't attack what had already happened. Derek had had no choice in what had happened, and that was bad enough. Add to it the injury of being lied to by the few people he trusted in life and you had all the ingredients for a perfect Morgan explosion.


	7. Working toward the Future

**Consequences**

**Disclaimer – I own nothing but the ideas.**

**Before I continue with this story I would like to thank everyone who has supported with this, especially those who have reviewed. That being said I would just like to remind readers that this is a JJ/Emily story. I know that I have taken the scenic route with this story, hopefully you will see why by the end of this chapter. For those who are waiting more of the Reid part of the storyline, I hope you are not disappointed, if you are then I am sorry.**

**This is set a few months after the hospital scene of the last chapter.**

**. . . .**

Entering slowly in the consuming darkness of the apartment JJ flicking a switch she made her way along the hall to the lounge. Stopping in the doorway, the light from behind her allowing her to see the scene in front of her, JJ watched as her friend seemed oblivious to her arrival.

"You okay?" she asked softly, watching the older woman who had been sat alone in the pitch black lounge.

Emily shrugged, not moving from the spot she was rooted to on the couch, her eyes staring at nothing in particular.

JJ guessed Emily had somehow heard the news that she had come to share; she guessed Garcia had been the one to share. Slipping off her shoes she padded quietly to sit beside Emily on the soft leather couch.

"I take it you have heard?" she asked, taking her friends hand in hers.

Emily nodded, showing no other reaction to the support of the young agent.

"It was to be expected," JJ spoke without a hint of emotion.

Emily turned sharply to face JJ, the depth of her sadness evident in her dark eyes, the strain of the events of the past year showing on her face.

"But it's not fair," Emily spat, "Spencer has lost his job because of me."

JJ shook her head, not wanting Em to blame herself for the ordeal;

"No he lost it because he used illegal drugs."

"Because of me!" she repeated with venom.

JJ had heard this argument so many times since Emily had returned. The woman was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, JJ honestly expected her to admit to causing poverty and famine soon. JJ wanted to share the burden, but wasn't being let in, so instead she shouldered her own blame.

"Spencer made a choice, the wrong choice; you didn't do this to him. He knew he could have spoken to any of us rather than do this."

"You don't believe that anymore than I do JJ," Em stated flatly.

Once a profiler, always a profiler JJ thought as she sat under the scrutiny of her ex-colleague. JJ did feel personally responsible for how lost Spencer had ended up feeling. She knew he had taken her deceit to heart, and who could blame him. All the times he had turned to her and she had been forced to lie to him as he cried, unable to relieve him of the grief that weighed him down, only to have the truth revealed so bluntly.

"Emily, on the flight out to find you and bring you home I had a lot of time on my own to think about the consequences of our actions," JJ began squeezing the hand of her friend, "We had no way of knowing what they would be, but together . . ."

"I knew I shouldn't have come back, I told you so," Emily interrupted, "I'll make arrangements to leave in the morning."

"Nonsense, everyone deserved to know the truth, what they did with that information was their choice. I had had enough of lying Em. I couldn't keep that up forever."

Emily's head dropped as she realised the full extent of the strain she had caused her friend, noticing for the first time the tiredness in JJ's features.

"JJ I'm sorry, since Reid was taken into hospital I have forgotten about you. I have taken you for granted."

JJ shrugged at her, having become use to supporting Emily in her reintegration, she too had adjusted to ignoring her own needs. Yet now, in the gloom of the dark lounge JJ felt the tears form. From the day she had shared with Emily the news that she was going into hiding, all through the funeral, the weeks of supporting her friends and family, right to this very moment JJ had bottled it all up. She could not contain it all any longer.

Emily hugged her friend tightly, wanting to take away the pain she had created. Seven months of solitude had taken its toll on her, but she had never imagined the solitude JJ had endured while being tortured by the constant reminder of her lies to her friends. Being with the team would have been as hard to JJ as being without them was for Emily.

Pulling back JJ looked up at Emily, "I'm sorry, you don't need this right now."

"Jay, you have already done more than I can ask for. I can't imagine what it must have been like for you."

Through her water laden eyes JJ tried to focus.

"With each month that passed I dreaded getting closer to the anniversary of your 'death', I knew I couldn't have faced it – not even with Hotch's support. I need you Emily, Spencer hates me, Morgan's still pissed at me and Hotch, Will has a constant look of distaste when he sees me."

"I'm here JJ, we can get through this together, I'm not going anywhere, I'm so sorry you have had to go through all this for me. I have made my mistakes, but you were only doing as you had been instructed, this is so unfair."

"Em, stop being sorry. You didn't choose to leave; it was forced on all of us. However we need to move on or it will consume us all. We have already seen the damage it has done to Spencer."

The two women sat in silence. Staring into the darkness that surrounded them, words no longer able to convey the emotional turmoil they were caught in. There was no clear path in front of them, no easy way out. As they individually contemplated how they were to deal with the situation, they drew strength purely from the presence of the other person. A strength that they knew would see them through the future and hopefully to forgiveness.

. . .

Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.

**Author Unknown**

**This ****is**** the ****end**** for ****this ****particular ****story. ****I**** am**** not ****sure ****I**** should ****have ****been**** talked**** into ****this ****sequel ****and ****sometimes**** think**** I**** should**** have ****left ****it ****at ****the ****end ****of**** '****Reflections****' ****but ****I****t hought ****it ****was**** worth ****a ****try.****Thank ****you ****for ****the ****support.**


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